The honeymoon was over. The rage of the man that I loved shockingly filled me with a fear that flowed through every core of my being. Just three days before I had said “I do” and now I was crying “what have I done?” I sat on the edge of the bed in tears at eighteen years old wanting to call my parents and tell them I made a mistake and want to come back home. I reached for the phone and then stopped as I played the conversation in my mind where I heard those dreaded words “I told you so”. What a pivotal moment in my life where pride led me down a sixteen year path of extreme abuse. We all had heard the stories of how this man abused his first wife over and over, but I thought I would be different. She must have been the problem and he really loved me and would never harm a hair on my head. Boy did I have on rose colored glasses that in just 72 hours were completely shattered.
The scriptures tell us that pride comes before a fall. In what area of your life do you feel you may have “fallen” because you succumbed to pride? My first thought of the meaning of the word pride was that it was just another word for arrogance or lofty and it’s when one thinks of themselves to be better than everyone else. But several years ago God began working on me and telling me that I had an issue with pride. I was so totally shocked by this because I never thought of myself as having an issue with pride. I thought that God must be showing me things so I could minister to someone else that prideful because surely He wasn’t talking to me. Ha how funny! That way of thinking in itself is prideful. That is when I realized that it also means you are more worried that your actions will prove you to be a weak person or when you worry what others might think making you feel and appear “less than”. So this means when I refused to stop and ask for directions when I was lost because it made me look like I didn’t know what I was doing…I was prideful. When I wouldn’t go down for prayer at church because I didn’t want to appear that I didn’t have it all together, that was prideful. Proverbs 26:12 says “Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for them”.
My refusing to call my parents and admit that I made a mistake caused me innumerous pain for many years; and that is a long story for another day. Admitting that I needed help didn’t make me weak; rather it made me strong. It says it best in 2 Corinthians 12:10, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I am reminded of the Carrie Underwood song “Jesus Take the Wheel” when she says “take it from my hands, cause I can’t do this on my own, I’m letting go”
It’s in this “weakness” that we let go and become fully dependent on God. For when we are dependent on Jehovah-Jireh, our provider – We are strong. Whatever situation you may be in today, give it to God. Take your hands off of it and let him do the driving and then trust in the only one who is trustworthy. He has you in the palm of His hand and cares about everything that concerns you.